6 Phrases Guaranteed to Rile Up Both Sides of the Aisle
I am aiming to offend both sides of the political spectrum through the medium of satire.
Truth be told, I am as apolitical as it gets and am currently on a mission to listen to all sides, soak in what I can, and then think for myself.
A spiritual/political cleanse, if you will.
If you are looking for nuance, context and analysis — please read my other stuff. This one is a meandering, tongue-in-cheek article that if ever printed, will double up as excellent toilet paper.
I am taking no prisoners here. But hey, it’s all in good spirits.
*ducks under couch*
“I’m not racist, but…”
What typically follows from this is almost always based on infinitesimal sample sizes, generously generalized, seemingly innocent and powered in some cases by vehement ignorance.
“Gender is a social construct.”
The hits just keep on coming.
Are homo sapiens (is that the PC term?) the only social species on the planet that can construct genders out of the sheer force of will?
I guess considering we are the only social species that invented the iPhone, it isn’t beyond the realms of probability.
“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”
Bang on. They mostly shoot them.
Here’s a corollary: sugar doesn’t cause heart diseases, having a heart causes heart disease.
“Healthcare is a human right.”
Yes. It’s your right to gorge every couple of hours. It’s also your undeniable right to get the best treatment for obesity whenever you demand it. Because why shouldn’t a healthy citizen’s taxes pay for your indulgence?
“Climate change is a hoax.”
So is the stock market, fractional reserve banking, diamonds, value for money and purchasing power parity. But why stop there?